The following article came to me recently and I contended that I should pass it on.  It has been slightly edited and a conclusion added.

 

    The following came to me and I thought that it may be enjoyed by people seeking a new "Pulpit Minister". I have slightly edited it and pray that you will see the need that we have, to pray seriously when dealing with spiritual endeavors.

"We’ve not been able to find a suitable minister candidate for this congregation. We do appreciate all the suggestions from the church members. The following is our confidential report on the present candidates."

Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods.

Noah: Former ministry of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man’s wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man.

Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record.

Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.

David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor’s wife.

Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.

Elijah: Prone to depression-collapses under pressure.

Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church.

Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife’s occupation.

Deborah: Female.

(Continued)

(Continued)

Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, and reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river.

Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language.

Jonah: Refused God’s call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.

Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people. Might fit in better in a poor congregation.

John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn’t dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.

Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper—even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon.

Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night.

Timothy: Too young.

Jesus: Has had popular times, but once when his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all and this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he’s single.

Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here!

May we as church members be praying for those on "Pulpit Search Committees", and understand how God used people with various backgrounds to be in His service.

 

   Plainly, don’t get short changed.  Let’s be ready to meet our Maker.  The Bible teaches that to avoid hell and gain heaven - one must:

 

 

1) Believe In Jesus As Savior (16:31)  2) Repent Of Sins  (17:30)   3) Confess Christ Audibly (8:37)  4) Be Baptized In  Water (2:38)   5) Live A  Christian Life (14:22)   6) Be Active In the Church (2:47)

 

 

KYOWVA  Evangelistic Association * 1541 S. 7th Street * Ironton, OH   45638

Web Page: www.kyowva.com * Free Bible Course Upon Request