P E R F E C T     P R E A C H E R 

 

                The “Perfect Preacher” has undergone special training to withstand any abuse which can be given him.  He has a bionic body that keeps him from ever getting sick or depressed.  Every part of his body is warranted for the life of his ministry.  He comes with a matching wife and perfect children and ready to serve seven days a week and twenty-four hours daily, on a minimum salary.

 

He remembers names of all church members …and visitors.  He is young enough for the youth & old enough to know everything.  He has a sense of humor and is serious all the time.  He can see far into the future to plan for problems before they arise.  He knows the answer to all Bible questions asked at any time with little preparation.  He is able to hear all problems.  He’s thick skinned to withstand all insults.  He maintains an eternal smile.  He reads minds, know problems without being told.  His shoulders are strong enough to bear his problems and yours.  He has a degree in theology, education, counseling, Greek, business, communications, church history, music and psychology.  He has a heart that needs no love, acceptance or encouragement.  He preaches soothing sermons that never bothers you.  He owns a complete theological library.  He’s available any time of day or night.  He can lead music.  He is Biblical, but not harsh.  He can dress fashionable on a minimum salary, and knows what the taste of every member is and meets them all.  He has an iron stomach to be able to consume any amount of coffee and favorite recipes of all ladies of the church.  He needs no sleep.  He lives in a home that is good, but not better than any of his members.  He visits all the sick, the shut-ins, angry members, the lonely, he sees all the church visitors and does all the evangelistic work.  He is available also as the church janitor.

 

      If your church is searching for the PERFECT PREACHER, you should attempt to get your order in immediately, as there seems to be a shortage of the PERFECT PREACHER.  Most are convinced that it takes a special kind of person to lead a church.  Preachers come in all kinds to say the least.  Seemingly, preachers are always looking for the PERFECT CHURCH.  If you are aware of any – please advertise it in the KYOWVA Evangelistic Association Newsletter, as it will probably receive many resumes.  May each Christian and church realize its’ short comings and pray for preachers and for the church for which Jesus died.

KYOWVA  EVANGELISTIC ASSOCIATION

 **********

 EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

  Dr. Hoyt W. Allen, Jr.

 1541 S. 7^th Street * Ironton, OH 45638    
 Web Page:  www.kyowva.com